


I will be your resting place

by chibi_usagi



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, But they both end up suffering, Hints of fluff in the end, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nea wants to help honestly, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 10:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_usagi/pseuds/chibi_usagi
Summary: Nea needs to see Allen one more time, but for a whole different reason, throwing him even further into confusion.





	I will be your resting place

There were things he absolutely had to do. People and places waiting for him to arrive. He knew he had a limited amount of time left. Even now, Allen wasn't sure how he was even standing. Why was Nea so permissive of him? He closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel the gentle breeze ruffling his hair, caressing his skin. He allowed himself to be relieved, although his heart bore the burden of a distant, tragic past that seemed to be creeping in his shadow with every step he took.

  
Casting a glance to Kanda, who listened to him without judging or interrupting for God knows how many hours, Allen prepared to leave. His current purpose and the seemingly impatient being within him pushed him forward. He had to keep going. To continue his search. To continue to fight.

  
It was then that it happened. All of a sudden, with no prior notice, Allen felt his body turn unnaturally heavy. His heart throbbed in his chest. His chest burned. Everything burned. He felt thirsty. He had to fight back - Allen knew as much, yet engulfed by a sleepiness he could no longer control, he fainted once again, without being able to reach his goal. Without figuring out anything. "Is this the end?" Allen thought to himself, as he felt his consciousness slowly being taken away. "Is there really no hope for me...?"

  
For a mere minute which felt more like an entire year for Allen, he saw nothing but darkness. He could hear nothing, and could feel nothing, as if he had been trapped in a void of despair.

  
He didn't seem to notice the moment when his senses returned once again, but he suddenly awakened in a much more familiar space, consisting of an everlasting black sky and a fluffy blanket of pure white snow that coated everything. As his eyes fluttered open, Allen heard a smooth, soothing voice calling out to him.

  
"It's been a while, Allen." The white haired noticed the way in which the other's lips instantly curled up in a smile as gentle as a summer breeze, and his golden eyes sparkled with affection.

  
"Nea..." Allen replied, voice trembling with uneasiness. He then lowered his eyes to the ground, refusing to meet the Noah's gaze. Refusing to get lost into that hypnotic golden gaze. He couldn't help it but think it was all over for him. In the following minutes, "Allen Walker" will have disappeared, while being replaced by "Nea D. Campbell". Allen felt frustration building up in his chest and he unconsciously clenched his fists. If only he could fight... If only...-

  
_"Allen. Are you hurt?"_ the Noah questionned, feeling the need to reach out and entwine his fingers into the former exorcist's fluffy white hair, and lay gentle touches on his pale skin, meaning to put his mind at ease. However, something in his chest had told him the time wasn't right. He hadn't expected silver colored irises to suddenly glance up at him, swirling with confusion.

  
"Eh- What did you-...?!" Allen stuttered helplessly, as he tried to grasp onto the situation. The Noah wanted to know if he was hurt? Why? What was the meaning of this? He had understood long time ago that Nea might not be entirely in the wrong, and while that was the case, Allen still didn't know what to make of the question.

  
Nea chuckled softly, as his eyes seemed to tremble with something akin to nostalgia.

  
"I asked you if you were hurt. Is that a wrong thing to do?" He tilted his head to one side, the warm smile still plastered on his face.

  
Allen blinked shortly at that, giving the Noah suspicious looks. It almost didn't make any sense to him that the one who had threatened to take him over was now treating him so kindly. Was this one of his games? Was he expecting Allen to lower his guard?

  
"It isn't exactly wrong, but..." the former exorcist began, while casting nervous glances towards the chains that kept him in place. " _Why?_   Why are you asking me that?" Lifting his gaze to meet Nea's again, this time more determined, he waited for the Noah to reply.

  
At that, Nea unconsciously took a few steps closer to Allen, and gently placed a hand on his cheek. Impatience had just hit its limit. Seeing Allen's confused stare made him act in a way he normally wouldn't.

  
Allen gasped at the sudden touch, feeling foreign, yet not entirely so, and as much as he tried to shake off the Noah's hand and avert his gaze, he just... _couldn't._ He felt somehow entranced by those golden orbs which seemed to be staring so deep into his soul.

  
"Why, you ask? Isn't it obvious?" Nea questioned, moving his hand from Allen's cheek to the top of his head as he paused. "I'm asking because _I care,_ Allen. About you and your wellbeing."

  
Allen's mouth hung open and he could swear that his heart skipped a beat just then. Questions swirled in his head like a tornado, and he forgot to breathe for a second. He said _he cared._ Allen was sure he couldn't have misheard that. Heart pounded in his chest as he desperately tried to find the right words to reply.

  
"Forgive me. I didn't mean to throw you off like that." The Noah spoke again, distancing himself from Allen, his tone remorseful. "But it's the truth."

  
As he turned around, Nea let the warm smile on his face fade away, being replaced with a deep frown. He didn't want to react the way he just did. He wasn't planning to misguide Allen any further. And yet his heart instructed him otherwise. He couldn't bear to look at Allen, at those glittering silver pools, without taking action. He wanted Allen to be his. He needed him so badly, it was maddening.

  
"Why do you care about me?" Allen asked, failing to hide his confusion. "Because I'm your host?"

  
Nea honestly felt like pulling his hair out, despite trying to look calm and collected in front of the white haired. "Oh, you have no idea, you're more than a host", he wanted to say. "You are more than just a passer-by who unfortunately got my memories", he wanted to retort. "You mean the world to me, and even more", he needed to confess, yet his words were stuck in his throat.

  
"You're not... just a host, Allen." The words slipped off his tongue without him realizing. Then, Nea instinctively covered his mouth, in an attempt to stop himself from saying any more. Ah, how he wished Allen would stop raising any more questions... and answer his instead.

  
"Then what am I to you?" The next question followed, tone laced with genuine curiosity. Nea then turned on his heels so he could face the white haired and placed a finger upon his own lips.

  
"That, I can't say. You'll have to figure it out yourself." The more the conversation went on, the more vulnerable Nea felt. The urge to spill the whole truth was like a demon creeping in his heart. He knew that if he were to let it take over, he would ruin Allen's resolve. He felt a shudder going down his spine at the mere thought of destroying Allen with his own hands.

  
"Setting that aside", he spoke again, trying to sound more casual, to mask the war within his heart. "I think it's time for you to answer my question, Allen." Gaze suddenly more intense, Nea glanced towards the white haired, pointing at him as he asked. "Are you okay?"

  
A few seconds of silence. Allen's confusion levels went over the roof, but he couldn't argue anymore, so he let the answer slip.

  
"I'm... _not okay_." There. He said it. Nea got his long-awaited response and sighed in relief, much to Allen's surprise.

  
"Figured." he whispered, scratching the back of his neck. "Took you long enough to admit."

  
After that, he went close enough to the chair where Allen sat chained, so as to rest an elbow on one of its sides. Allen tried to follow his movements, but the chains were too much of a pain.

  
"I looked into your past..." the Noah started once again, tone pensive. "And, well... I've been watching your actions since you took over."

  
"Then you saw--" Allen voiced his surprise, as he attempted to turn towards Nea yet again, to no avail.

  
"Yes. I saw everything," the Noah confessed. He struggled to find his words, so as to not upset Allen any more than he already was. "Talking about that experience hurt you a lot. I know it. I felt it. And there are more unfortunate events that are currently eating you alive. That's why I've been pestering you like that. I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me the truth."

  
Allen listened carefully to Nea's words, as he found it would be pointless to interrupt him now. He was indeed worried about his body being snatched away from him again, but, he thought, if Nea wanted to do anything at all, he would have done it by now. Allen was convinced he will have had to surrender at one point, but right now... the Noah didn't look like a threat to him. When he noticed that Nea had stopped talking, Allen finally opened his mouth to speak as well.

  
"...I won't ask how you got to see my memories, although I really want to know." He inhaled sharply, trying to silence his rampant mind, as well as the constant throb in his chest.. "But... can I assume that you called me here because..." He couldn't bring himself to continue his idea, and waited for Nea to confirm his thoughts instead, although it could have been a dangerous move. Nea understood his message and replied calmly, his gaze a little bit more hopeful, although Allen could not see him.

  
_"Because I wanted you to get some rest."_

  
Allen hummed in agreement, signalling the fact that Nea's words matched his expectations. But he needed to ask one more question.

  
"But weren't you going to... erase me? Why would you want to comfort me all of a sudden?" The question came like a hammer to Nea's chest, despite him trying to maintain his smile in place.

  
"I'll make it clear, Allen." After a long silence, the Noah's voice sounded almost demanding. However, the tone dropped to a soft murmur as he continued. "As long as you're here, you're _safe_. This is your mindscape, Allen. Not mine. As for me erasing you..." he paused again, to gather his words properly. Nea couldn't stand the thought of Allen being somehow afraid of him, even in this state. "I won't do it unless it's something that you want. I decided to step down and let you do what must be done first."

  
Catching a glimpse of Allen's frame finally relaxing with the corner of his eye, a content sigh escaped the Noah's lips. It was fine. He didn't want Allen to hate him. Having Allen of all people treat him like an enemy was the only thing that cut his heart open, although Nea didn't want to admit it.

  
"So, uhm..." he stumbled on his words, causing Allen to giggle. "You probably figured that I don't want to let you suffer alone."

  
Moving over to face Allen, Nea extended a hand, running his fingers into Allen's snow white hair once again, and this time, Allen's body didn't tense under his touch. It was a pleasant surprise. The current mood was right, the Noah thought, and he decided to go on with his idea.

  
"I want you to let go of everything. Because if you don't, you'll lose your mind. Just for now..." He leaned in to touch Allen's forehead with his own, gazing even deeper in his silver eyes. "Just for now, stop thinking, Allen. Stop worrying. _Sleep_ for a bit," he suggested, tone warm and reassuring.

  
The word "sleep", however, triggered a reaction from Allen, as he realized what the situation must be outside. He remembered that he should be on his way to the Campbell mansion by now. He struggled to free himself from Nea's grasp, yet the Noah wouldn't let him do that now, as he was way too close to succeeding. He was so close to having Allen drop his guard.

  
"Didn't I say I wouldn't harm you? Just stop being stubborn and get some rest, Allen..."

  
"But I have to hurry and-" he tried to argue, but he soon found himself surrounded by warmth, as the Noah closed up the gap between them even more... in something close to an embrace. Allen's eyes widened once more, and he felt his cheeks reddening at the unexpected closeness.

  
"You don't have to hurry anywhere right now. I won't let you go unless you get some sleep." Nea's tone felt demanding again, but at the same time, it was... soothing. Allen's body trembled under him, hot tears welling up in his silver eyes.

  
"You know... Nea," he started in a broken voice, trying to keep the tears from falling. "Tim is... no longer..." Allen didn't know why he felt the need to tell that to Nea. Yet he did. And as he did, he realized that he was finally breaking apart...

  
That was another blow to the Noah's heart. He meant to comfort Allen, not make him cry. But as long as it set him free from the pain, Nea was okay with it.

  
"I know", he said shortly, moving a hand to wipe away Allen's tears. "... _I know_."

  
"I've lost... someone I love again..." the white haired cried out, gritting his teeth.

  
"That's why, Allen. That's why..." Nea tilted Allen's chin so their eyes could lock. "Please. Close your eyes and forget for now... before you break even more."  
Allen's next request was by all means unexpected.

  
_"Release... me"_ , he pleaded, while still sobbing. Nea felt his own eyes watering at the sight of his old friend in such a state. And what hurt the most was the fact that he knew... he was currently one of the sources for Allen's pain.

  
"Release me. Get these off of me", Allen repeated, voice more urgent, as he dropped his gaze to look at the chains.

  
"What are you going to do if I release you?" the Noah asked, although he knew it wasn't quite necessary.

  
"Just do it", Allen's eyes responded instead, as his voice would not come out anymore.

  
So Nea complied. He pulled away from Allen and merely touched the chains holding him, for them to crumble to pieces.  
Next thing he knew, Allen's arms were around his neck, chest pressed tightly against his own, so much that he felt like they were about to melt into each other. There was warmth. Urgency. Need. Allen's tears kept falling. He shouted. He pulled them both to the ground, kneeling. He trembled. Whined. Sobbed. Unleashed the sadness he kept bottling up for so long. Nea accepted all of it, without question, because Allen deserved it. He deserved someone to care for him. He deserved love, he deserved peace. Harmony.

  
Dozens of minutes passed. As he stopped crying, Allen finally drifted off to a pleasant sleep, still holding onto Nea. The Noah's eyes slipped closed as well, a melancholic smile spreading on his lips. It's true that he wanted to feel Allen's body close to his for so long. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and rest his chin on Allen's shoulder so much, it hurt. But he'd never expected this blissful moment to happen so soon. Nea didn't know if he was supposed to feel happy or sad, relieved or worried about the current turn of events. But more than anything, he couldn't deny the fact that he enjoyed being engulfed by Allen's warmth, as he quietly listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

  
_"Familiar..."_ Allen murmured in his sleep, and Nea let out a content little chuckle as he hugged Allen tightly to his chest in return.

  
"Of course it seems familiar", he whispered, careful not to wake up Allen. "After all, we used to be..."

  
He stopped himself from going any further. He was willing to wait. Until Allen was prepared.

  
"Sleep well,... _my Allen_."

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little something that I absolutely needed to write in order to get over the latest chapter more easily. Honestly, the whole idea felt fluffier in my head, but as I kept going, I realized how much angst it actually contained and I got hurt myself in the end :'D  
> I wrote it immediately after the chapter, yet here I am posting it late because I didn't really have any confidence in my skills until recently.  
> A big thanks to @chrisemrys for helping me with the title~ \o/


End file.
